Many people say “I love you” to their children as naturally as breathing, but they cannot say it to their parents. And some parents really don’t understand and can’t adapt to the love expressed verbally or physically by their adult children.
In the past, many people advocated the concept of “love the house and love the bird”, thinking that when two people are together, they should treat each other’s family members kindly, especially when they are married. I can’t deny that I choose a filial man as my relationship partner because I think that only a man who will be kind to my parents can be kind to my family. However, after dating for a long time and getting married, I found that although the concept of “love the house and the crow” is good, it might be better to slightly modify it in practice.
How to love your family
I give because I know they are important to you.
I’m an ordinary person, I don’t have much love. To me, being nice to each other’s family is really about loving each other and wanting to make each other happy about it. Therefore, when I go back to my natal home, my master will try his best to be a good son-in-law, change light bulbs for the mother-in-law, be a porter, give full play to his architectural expertise, help my brother-in-law to see the house and see the construction site, and even stay up late to draw design drawings. I didn’t ask him if he was willing to do these things, but he never complained, he just said “We are family.” As a little princess who was spoiled and spoiled since childhood, the way I contribute to his family is to volunteer and take responsibility every year In-law’s New Year’s Eve dinner, I’m not sure if we love each other’s family, but I’m sure your family is very important to you, and I’m willing to give a little more for the people who are very important to you.
I don’t necessarily like your family, but I don’t stop you from loving them.
In fact, we all know that it is impossible for us to love everyone around each other, and it is inevitable that we will encounter objects with different ideas and magnetic fields, and who feel wrong. It’s just that we both have a consensus: “Whether I like your family or not, I will not stop you from loving your family.” This is what I call “subtle corrections.” We don’t force each other to do anything for our family. However, it definitely does not prevent the other party from continuing to love and take care of his family.
I live in Taipei and my natal family is in the south. I have to go home about once a month, which is more frequent than when I was studying in the north alone. It may be very rare for a married daughter, so I don’t think the other party must follow. I traveled north and south together, and occasionally I would take the initiative to suggest that I take the high-speed train home by myself! And because my husband’s family lives very close to us, only a few minutes’ walk away, I also asked him to maintain his pre-marriage habit of going home to see his parents every day, so I might not necessarily go back with him. He doesn’t hinder me from continuing to be a good daughter after marriage, so why should I hinder him from continuing to be a good son after marriage! Therefore, after we got married, my mother-in-law didn’t feel that a son was missing, and my mother didn’t feel that a daughter was missing.
My own family, please try to handle it yourself.
Sometimes it is inevitable that we will encounter some inappropriate requests from the other party’s family members. At this time, we can each play our own roles and try our best to communicate. If it’s his family’s problem, he’s responsible for the communication, and if it’s my family’s problem, I’m in charge of handling it. Even though it’s said verbally that we’re a family after marriage, basically I still think it’s fair for my family to handle it by themselves, and because it treats me The family understands enough, and the communication is relatively smooth.
According to my observation, when marital problems are related to the families of both parties, they are often caused by long-term accumulated pressure and grievances. For example, the wife always feels that she is very hard. Before marriage, she was a princess, but after marriage, she becomes a maid who has to help other people’s families. My husband also feels wronged. You married into my family, and you still think about your natal family all day long, and often take money back to your natal family and so on. In the long run, this kind of reluctance in the heart will accumulate and explode at a certain moment. Therefore, in addition to loving each other, there is nothing wrong with you loving your family and I loving mine.